(no subject)
May. 10th, 2005 07:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sillygoosegirlAll at once, I am both lonely and I want to be alone.
I suppose this would come of not particularly being comfortable with the people at work, and hanging out with the same 4 people whenever we hang out with other people. Not that they aren't great people, but they are only 4 of them, and they're a lot like each other in a lot of ways too. I was afraid this would happen if we went somewhere where we already knew people. Josh was afraid that it would be even worse if we went somewhere where we didn't already know people. Maybe he was right. I don't know.
It is weird though, to be both lonely and lacking in time alone... weird in a decidedly bad way.
Also, having all-male co-workers was decidedly cooler when I was single. I never thought of myself as interested in them when I was*, but it definitely used to be more fun for whatever reason. That reason alone would be enough to convince me to choose differently if I were to choose my field of study again. I do not think I can be happy working with only men for the rest of my life. We need people like me in our schools encouraging our young women to go into science... but I don't think I could do that, I feel too royally duped.
* EDIT: That doesn't read quite right. I mean, I never thought of myself as interested in them when I was single, not when I was interested in them, because, for the most part, I am not aware of having been interested in them. Perhaps I was also not aware of being interested in them when I was interested in them, but not that I am aware of. Clear now?
I suppose this would come of not particularly being comfortable with the people at work, and hanging out with the same 4 people whenever we hang out with other people. Not that they aren't great people, but they are only 4 of them, and they're a lot like each other in a lot of ways too. I was afraid this would happen if we went somewhere where we already knew people. Josh was afraid that it would be even worse if we went somewhere where we didn't already know people. Maybe he was right. I don't know.
It is weird though, to be both lonely and lacking in time alone... weird in a decidedly bad way.
Also, having all-male co-workers was decidedly cooler when I was single. I never thought of myself as interested in them when I was*, but it definitely used to be more fun for whatever reason. That reason alone would be enough to convince me to choose differently if I were to choose my field of study again. I do not think I can be happy working with only men for the rest of my life. We need people like me in our schools encouraging our young women to go into science... but I don't think I could do that, I feel too royally duped.
* EDIT: That doesn't read quite right. I mean, I never thought of myself as interested in them when I was single, not when I was interested in them, because, for the most part, I am not aware of having been interested in them. Perhaps I was also not aware of being interested in them when I was interested in them, but not that I am aware of. Clear now?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 05:35 pm (UTC)Wish I could help.
I can say that, from my impression, going somewhere where you don't know anyone is not appreciably better.
Also, I'm more and more convinced that we don't so much need to convince more women to go into science as we need to radically change the culture of science.