![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Jul. 31st, 2003
I want more money. I don't like that Josh is going away simply because we don't have very much money. I never really used to think about money as having a big effect on my life. Always before everything was provided for and there was no serious shortage. I've never asked to be rich. All I want is enough. I'm really jealous of my friends who have enough money that they don't need to be worried about being separated.
I'm tempted to turn off comments. I'm sick of being told that "it's only a year" or "it isn't very long compared to the rest of your lives" or "being apart is a good way to test yourselves" or "being apart shouldn't be that hard" or "you shouldn't need to be together". Being apart is hard. It's a good way to creat a huge amount of anguoish over small misunderstandings. A year is a long time. If being together isn't important to me, why do you think I want to marry him? And, in the words of Harry (from "When Harry Met Sally"), "When you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
I'm frustrated that Josh didn't get into any grad schools near Mudd. I'm frustrated he didn't apply to many close ones. I'm frustrated that Josh's advisor recomended grad schools to him that wouldn't take him. I'm frustrated that Josh hasn't found a job. I'm frustrated that I have no idea to what extent that is Josh's fault. I'm frustrated that in a month I will go back to Mudd and Josh will go back to his parent's house and there is NOTHING I can do about it. It makes me feel helpless. What kind of loser am I? I can't keep my loved on with me, even when with me is where he wants to be.
I feel like a bad person because I convinced him not to go to grad school next year so that we could be together, but now we don't get to be together anyway. I'm frustrated that he will be in Cincinnati so he is most likely to find a job in cincinnati if he finds one anywhere, and I don't want to go to Cincinnati after this next year.
Is it 5pm yet? I want to go home already.
I'm tempted to turn off comments. I'm sick of being told that "it's only a year" or "it isn't very long compared to the rest of your lives" or "being apart is a good way to test yourselves" or "being apart shouldn't be that hard" or "you shouldn't need to be together". Being apart is hard. It's a good way to creat a huge amount of anguoish over small misunderstandings. A year is a long time. If being together isn't important to me, why do you think I want to marry him? And, in the words of Harry (from "When Harry Met Sally"), "When you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
I'm frustrated that Josh didn't get into any grad schools near Mudd. I'm frustrated he didn't apply to many close ones. I'm frustrated that Josh's advisor recomended grad schools to him that wouldn't take him. I'm frustrated that Josh hasn't found a job. I'm frustrated that I have no idea to what extent that is Josh's fault. I'm frustrated that in a month I will go back to Mudd and Josh will go back to his parent's house and there is NOTHING I can do about it. It makes me feel helpless. What kind of loser am I? I can't keep my loved on with me, even when with me is where he wants to be.
I feel like a bad person because I convinced him not to go to grad school next year so that we could be together, but now we don't get to be together anyway. I'm frustrated that he will be in Cincinnati so he is most likely to find a job in cincinnati if he finds one anywhere, and I don't want to go to Cincinnati after this next year.
Is it 5pm yet? I want to go home already.
Stupid thingie
Jul. 31st, 2003 04:31 pmDon't you just love instruments that sort of almost work when they are off and don't work at all when they are on?
Shane is in a meeting until he goes home. There is NOTHING for me to do seeing as NOTHING is working at all. I'm going home.
In other news, my ancle hurts. I think I semi-spraned it while hiking last week. Not so bad that I can't walk or anything, just bad enough that it hurts when it bends at all or has much weight on it for an extended period of time. Josh said he'd come pick me up from work today because it has really been hurting, but his phone is busy. Grrr.
Shane is in a meeting until he goes home. There is NOTHING for me to do seeing as NOTHING is working at all. I'm going home.
In other news, my ancle hurts. I think I semi-spraned it while hiking last week. Not so bad that I can't walk or anything, just bad enough that it hurts when it bends at all or has much weight on it for an extended period of time. Josh said he'd come pick me up from work today because it has really been hurting, but his phone is busy. Grrr.
Trip, Part I
Jul. 31st, 2003 04:35 pmOkay, so almost 2 weeks ago I went out to Omaha for Grandma Peter's funeral. It was really fun to see all my cousins and relatives on that side of the family again.
( The nicest hotel in the world )
( singing )
On the last night we were there, we went to Grandma and Grandpa's favorite restaurant, The Venice Inn. I've never liked the Venice Inn very much myself, but whatever. Anyway there were really a ton of us and we took up two tables. When everyone sat down there was an adults (and tots) table and a "kids" table, but there was one extra adult and one extra chair at the kids table, so my mom said she wanted to sit at the kids table. She sat next to me and at our end of the table was my cousin Timmy P. (the mentally ill one), my cousin Michael P. and my cousin Michael S.. We were talking and stuff and Micheal P. was talking about this great government teacher he had his freshman year of college and telling us that this teacher was the main reason why he (my cousin Micheal P.) had become a democrat! We all sort of stared at you. "You're a democrat?" I asked suspiciously (everyone on that side of the family is very repulicant, except for my cousin Libby's husband). He said "yeah" and before I could stop myself I was reaching across the table to shake his hand. It really blew us all away.
It's time for me to go now. More random gossip about my extended family and trip later.
( The nicest hotel in the world )
( singing )
On the last night we were there, we went to Grandma and Grandpa's favorite restaurant, The Venice Inn. I've never liked the Venice Inn very much myself, but whatever. Anyway there were really a ton of us and we took up two tables. When everyone sat down there was an adults (and tots) table and a "kids" table, but there was one extra adult and one extra chair at the kids table, so my mom said she wanted to sit at the kids table. She sat next to me and at our end of the table was my cousin Timmy P. (the mentally ill one), my cousin Michael P. and my cousin Michael S.. We were talking and stuff and Micheal P. was talking about this great government teacher he had his freshman year of college and telling us that this teacher was the main reason why he (my cousin Micheal P.) had become a democrat! We all sort of stared at you. "You're a democrat?" I asked suspiciously (everyone on that side of the family is very repulicant, except for my cousin Libby's husband). He said "yeah" and before I could stop myself I was reaching across the table to shake his hand. It really blew us all away.
It's time for me to go now. More random gossip about my extended family and trip later.