Communication (or lack there of)

I really wish I could communicate with Josh about the grad school thing. I'd really like to talk with him about it. More and more, it feels like he thinks it's non of my business. Certainly it doesn't have to be my business, but if he wants to talk about staying together after May (as I certainly thought he did), then it is my business. It feels like there is a great deal of non communication going on. Mostly I guess it's my fault because the topic upsets me easily and Josh knows it, but Josh isn't exactly helping the situation. He said a week or two ago that if he thought he wouldn't go to Vanderbilt unless he didn't get into UCSD and absolutely couldn't find a job around here. He also said that he'd recieved an email from the chem secretary about job postings available at the department office, available to him whenever he wanted to make an appointment or drop by and see. For all the talk, he hasn't looked into anything regarding jobs, but he has decided to go visit Vanderbilt. Of course, he didn't tell me that he wanted to visit Vanderbilt. I asked him about it when I noticed a note he had writen about it. He said, "Well, that's what people do." It bugs me partly because he didn't tell me dirrectly, partly because when I brought it up he tried to skirt it, partly because this all implies that he's been lying to me about the whole thing, and partly because he's reverted to his general attitude that a year-long LDR wouldn't be such a big deal. In a lot of ways the last one gets to me the most. It doesn't matter what anyone says, acting like a year-long LDR would beit still makes it feel like he doesn't care about me.

Made public: 03/02/03