"Can't Afford"
Aug. 3rd, 2006 11:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sillygoosegirlYou know what really bugs me? The "can't afford" excuse. I get so tired of hearing it, and so often it seems to me that it's just so not true.
For example, today I heard a story of a woman who was featured on a Discover Channel program about plastic surgery. She is getting plastic surgery to remove "sun damaged skin" before moving to Australia to be with her long distance boyfriend of 20 years, they will be getting married when she gets there. Why have they been in a long distance relationship for 20 years? Because she "couldn't afford" to move before. I'm sorry, but it doesn't take two able-bodied people living in the developed world with no dependants 20 years to save up enough money to buy a single one-way ticket from the US to Australia. We're talking about a savings rate of $3.50/person/month here, for crying out loud! Not to mention that she somehow managed to pay for plastic surgery before she left.
Or what about the families who want mom to stay home with the kids "more than anything", but "can't afford" it, because they live in a 4000 square foot home and drive new cars.
My mom's favorite are all the people who tell her they "can't afford" to go to Europe, but will spend more on a single article of clothing than it costs her and my dad to stay in a youth hostel for 3 nights.
Or my favorite from all the wedding planning communities, which is to give the excuse of "can't afford to invite more guests", after spending $1000 on the dress, $2000 on the photographer, and choosing a $100/person dinner.
There are many people in this world who really truly cannot afford to put food in their bellies or a roof over their heads. And there are many people who cannot afford much beyond food and shelter. Some of them are even in the US. I have a great deal of compassion for those people, and I am certainly not referring to them. But the "can't afford" excuse gets made by so many people for whom it really does not apply. I wish people could just be honest and say, "I could have moved sooner, but it was more important to me to have plastic surgery." Or "I'd like to stay home with our kids, but we'd rather live in a big house and drive new cars." Or, "I'd like to travel Europe, but I'd rather wear expensive clothes." Or, "We preferred to have a small wedding because we are shy, or because we preferred having a small fancy wedding over a large informal one."
I think what really bugs me is that when people say "I can't afford ______", I don't know what to make of it, but it feels to me like it implies one of a number of bad things. Such as:
1. I don't understand personal finance, mathematics, or my own priorities enough to arrange my life so I get the most out of my money. Or I understand these things and lack the discipline to live my life according to my own priorities.
2. I want a hand out or your pity, because I can't manage to be greatful for everything I have.
3. I think you'd judge me better if I lied to you so you'd think I chose not to do something for lack of money, rather than for lack of priority.
It would be really nice to know which of these things a particular person meant each time that phrase was used. If it's the first, I'd like to be able to help educate the person. If it's the second, I'd like to know so I don't need to waste my time thinking of a way to help educate this person. And if it's the third, the (a) generally I'd rather not be lied to, and (b) it generally wont make me think better of someone (especially when the truth is pretty self evident, as it often is), and (c) so I will know that I overstepped my bounds and am being brushed off, so I can try to avoid overstepping them in the future.
The unfortunate thing is that I think most people who use the phrase in the context I'm talking about really do fall into category #1 or #2. And that is just a damn shame. It's always a shame when people cannot appreciate what they have, or cannot make the most of what they have... but arguably the more a person has, the bigger a shame it is. The wealthy should know better.
For example, today I heard a story of a woman who was featured on a Discover Channel program about plastic surgery. She is getting plastic surgery to remove "sun damaged skin" before moving to Australia to be with her long distance boyfriend of 20 years, they will be getting married when she gets there. Why have they been in a long distance relationship for 20 years? Because she "couldn't afford" to move before. I'm sorry, but it doesn't take two able-bodied people living in the developed world with no dependants 20 years to save up enough money to buy a single one-way ticket from the US to Australia. We're talking about a savings rate of $3.50/person/month here, for crying out loud! Not to mention that she somehow managed to pay for plastic surgery before she left.
Or what about the families who want mom to stay home with the kids "more than anything", but "can't afford" it, because they live in a 4000 square foot home and drive new cars.
My mom's favorite are all the people who tell her they "can't afford" to go to Europe, but will spend more on a single article of clothing than it costs her and my dad to stay in a youth hostel for 3 nights.
Or my favorite from all the wedding planning communities, which is to give the excuse of "can't afford to invite more guests", after spending $1000 on the dress, $2000 on the photographer, and choosing a $100/person dinner.
There are many people in this world who really truly cannot afford to put food in their bellies or a roof over their heads. And there are many people who cannot afford much beyond food and shelter. Some of them are even in the US. I have a great deal of compassion for those people, and I am certainly not referring to them. But the "can't afford" excuse gets made by so many people for whom it really does not apply. I wish people could just be honest and say, "I could have moved sooner, but it was more important to me to have plastic surgery." Or "I'd like to stay home with our kids, but we'd rather live in a big house and drive new cars." Or, "I'd like to travel Europe, but I'd rather wear expensive clothes." Or, "We preferred to have a small wedding because we are shy, or because we preferred having a small fancy wedding over a large informal one."
I think what really bugs me is that when people say "I can't afford ______", I don't know what to make of it, but it feels to me like it implies one of a number of bad things. Such as:
1. I don't understand personal finance, mathematics, or my own priorities enough to arrange my life so I get the most out of my money. Or I understand these things and lack the discipline to live my life according to my own priorities.
2. I want a hand out or your pity, because I can't manage to be greatful for everything I have.
3. I think you'd judge me better if I lied to you so you'd think I chose not to do something for lack of money, rather than for lack of priority.
It would be really nice to know which of these things a particular person meant each time that phrase was used. If it's the first, I'd like to be able to help educate the person. If it's the second, I'd like to know so I don't need to waste my time thinking of a way to help educate this person. And if it's the third, the (a) generally I'd rather not be lied to, and (b) it generally wont make me think better of someone (especially when the truth is pretty self evident, as it often is), and (c) so I will know that I overstepped my bounds and am being brushed off, so I can try to avoid overstepping them in the future.
The unfortunate thing is that I think most people who use the phrase in the context I'm talking about really do fall into category #1 or #2. And that is just a damn shame. It's always a shame when people cannot appreciate what they have, or cannot make the most of what they have... but arguably the more a person has, the bigger a shame it is. The wealthy should know better.
