(no subject)

Gwendolyn: [Toot]
Josh: Was that a fart?
Me: Maybe. Maybe the chair squeeking.
Gwendolyn: [Toot]
Josh: I think that was her.
Me: Gwen, do you need to go potty?
Gwen: [Climbs out of her chair and goes to the potty.]
Josh: [Helps her with trainers and sits her down.]
Me: Underwear still clean?
Josh: Yep! Oh, wait, maybe not...
Me and Josh together: [Look more closely]
Me and Josh together: Bring me my brown shoes!

I can't imagine anyone I would rather share parenting with.

(no subject)

I suppose my previous post will make more sense if I tell the joke first.


Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About
halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!

"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.

"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea
chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.

Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to
fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled
without casualties.

A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two
pirate sloops!

"Captain, captain, what should we do?"

"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"

The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and
managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many
casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The
first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.

"It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not
show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."

A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when
suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were
approaching!

"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?"
The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.

Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my
brown pants!"