"Fiction" Writing

I was in a very bitter mood yesterday and decided that my first submission for Fiction Writing should be a story about a girl who doesn't get a part in a play. I didn't actually start writing it (other than a rough outline), but for lack of any better ideas (and frankly I think this idea isn't bad--it has conflict and a simple story arch), I'm writing it now. It's really being a lot of fun to write. It's like I'm making a word collage of a bunch of experiences and memories from high school. Especially ones related to my few unhappy experiences with the drama department in high school, but some other ones too. I am beginning to see though how I might get off track and find it hard to keep it under 1500 words. Not that it's anywhere close to 1500 words yet, but it's not progressing very fast either. Too many fun things to talk about along the way...

I don't want to do this

I don't want to make this choice. I don't want to go to Sandia. I don't want to not go.

There are these questions I'd discussed asking them yesterday, but now somehow those questions seem irrelevant. They might make me feel better about the decision, but they aren't going to change the decision I make. I know that I will appreciate the money. The general shrinking trend in my bank account has been worrying me. And I like being able to treat myself because I'm working hard and getting paid for it. If I'm at Mudd, that will be my treat because I'll be working hard and I'll be being paid very little for it. Damn it. I want someone else to make the decision for me... except I don't. I want someone else to make the right decision for me so I don't have to figure out what it is.

Made public: 8/17/03