Not again

It's the 20th and I have, once again, forgotten to send that birthday card to my dad. I bought it my freshman year, but I keep remembering that I need to have sent in on his birthday. I've still got one more year to get it right. I guess I'll just have to call him instead. Don't let me forget, okay?

For Posterity

Because I tend to forget...

I don't really know why I'm so upset with Josh today. I really don't. I'm somewhat upset because he doesn't seem to care, but that's not the root of the problem, it's just something making it worse.

I'm reminded about the really huge reason why I think this relationship with Josh is doomed. It has to do with competition, which reveals itself during games. I'm not capable of playing a friendly game with Josh. I think this is because I do not believe that he is capable of playing a friendly game. I would like to think I'm wrong, but just the other day he was yelling at me for bidding wrong in bridge. I know I'm the one who wouldn't let it lie today, and I'm the one who is making a mountain out of something which should (maybe) be a molehill, but foo. I can't play a god-damn friendly game with him. It is just not possible. And I hate that.

I would be less pissed off right now if he cared that I was pissed off. Of course, this will quickly degenerate into being just sad. But blah.

I'd like to think that he is capable of being (or becoming) less competative. I know I've said that people shouldn't change for relationships, but this seems like a really stupid reason for a relationship to not work. Except I'm not sure it could change. And if it did change, I'm not sure I would be able to recognise it. It's so frustrating.

Maybe it's a symptom of something else. I don't know. I think I'm gonna sit here and feel sorry for myself.

Made public: 11/9/02